Happy Freedom Explosion Day

Am I the only person in the America not way pumped about Joey Chestnut defeating Tageru Kobayashi in the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest? I know that today is supposed to be all about Freedom and 'Merica, but ESPN commentators were about to make me have a reversal. "The belt will return to America on this Independence Day, not far from where George Washington clashed with British forces!" Seriously, I didn't make that up.

Now I am all for the socially acceptable jingoism that is the motivator behind international sport, throughout my stay in Ellsworth I was furiously texting to find the results to the CONCACAF Gold Cup. (Which we won.) But these are hot dogs, guys. Sure it's just a different set of arbitrary conditions, but it's not like every country (that can afford to have competitive eating, whoops!) sent an digestive representative.

Besides, Kobayashi is 29 and has arthritis in his jaw. That's like saying you beat Jordan when he was on the Wizards.